Determined to Eat

Why am I determined to finish something even if I know it will make me sick? It is hard to get excited to and prepare something to eat and then take a bite and be done. I am allowing food to control me again! I am feeling bloated, no energy, etc. I am doing well in the day and then just giving up in the evening. I have to stop. I am getting further away from my lowest and I am going to Destin in July. There have been so many trips I have planned to lose weight for and never do. I am always mad at myself and feel depressed when I am actually at the beach, lake, river, etc. I drink my body anxieties away and feel a tempory fix. I know this is a destructive cycle. I have lost between 20-25 pounds. It will be one year with my band June 8th. I am self pay and make a huge payment every month for my friend the band. It is the whole self-fulfilling prophecy.

I am a teacher. I would never expect a student to become a better reader if they never read. I preach that you have to turn on the video games and find a book/author you love. You will never like to read if you do not read. The more you read the easier it is for you and you can enjoy the story!  If you can think it, you can say it. If you can say it, you can write it. If you can write it, you can read it.

It is easier to act helpless. It is easier to give into emotional eating. Temorary fixes are easier. The tough question is why would you keep doing the very thing you hate about yourself. The very thing you have spent THOUSANDS of dollars on. It is a mind game we can all win. We have to accept there are no excuses to eat jumk excessively. There is no reason to eat in hiding or to run to food when we are upset.

I feel better after venting and have the kick A** mentality. It is ultimately up to us to be take the steps to be successful or keep complaing. It reminds me of going off the high dive. You can climb up there a million times but if you never actually jump off you will never know how awesome it is.