This is the first day I actually feel hungry. My protein shakes take away the hunger so I am going to stick to those. Chicken broth tastes good for a change but doesn't make me too full. I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to have the Lap Band. My parents are so supportive and are my biggest fans. I am blessed to have parents who never make sarcastic remarks about my weight and/or eating. They know my weight and depression are not answered by simply quit eating and be happy.
I am going longer without taking my pain medicine. I feel discomfort where my incisions are and especially where my port is. Overall the pain is sore and not a sharp pain. Sometimes it creeps me out that I have this band and port in my body. It is a hard thought to get used to but then I think about how people have artificial knees, pacemakers, heart transplants, etc.
I am keeping my eyes ahead and refusing to look back. I cannot wait to buy smaller clothes and be more active. I want to be able to take Laney skiing, hiking, etc. I want to instill a love of adventure and the outdoors in Laney. I want to eat to live and not live to eat. Often on the Biggest Loser they show the contestants pigging out on their audition video. You can see the sadness and hopelessness in their eyes. That is exactly how I have felt for years. I have allowed my weight to defeat me. I have given up on myself. I have given up on loving myself and fighting everyday to be happy. I have been on a vicious cycle of losing weight, binging, gaining all and more weight back, shame, guilt, overeating, etc. On the Biggest Loser this past season there was a mother daughter team (the PINK team). Ashley told her mom in the beginning " What if I can't do it?" and her mom's response was "but what if you CAN". They motivated me to realize I need to stop thinking of all the reasons I cannot do it. Instead of thinking how this can fail, I am going to focus on what it will be like when I succeed.
Happiness is a choice.
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