Laney has made it home and is adjusting better than the last time she went to visit her dad. I tried to wait as long as possible to tell her I will not be able to pick her up for a few weeks BECAUSE that would make her want to picked up even more! When she finally asked, I told her while I was gone I went to the doctor and he fixed some things in my stomach. I showed her my tape and told her I can't pick her up for a while because then I would have to go back to the doctor. She is very curious and is asking tons of questions. I just could not bring myself to say I had surgery to get healthy. The last thing I want my daughter to think is that surgery is what you do to get healthy OR you need surgery so you will not be fat or anything other twisted things. I know the day will come and I will explain the band but for now there is no way an almost 4 year old would understand.
I want my daughter to be free of all of the self esteem struggles I have had. I know I cannot completely control how she feels. My mother and father were always very complimentary and supportive. They have never said an unkind word to me about what I look like, my personality, or my abilities and I syruggled. Like all parents, I want to use my knowledge so my daughter doesn't have to learn the hard way. I want her to know you can spend years thinking you are not pretty, thin, smart, funny, etc. enough. If you do not love yourself you cannot truly love someone else. Everyday we have to make decisions that take us a step closer to what we want our future to be. It is never too late to turn things around. The moments you feel most alone are the moments God is closest to you. The list goes on and on. I know as I become healthy and learn to appreciate and care for my body more and more, I will become a better daughter, mother, and teacher.
No comments:
Post a Comment