So tonight I am going with a friend, her boyfriend, and a single guy to dinner, drink, etc. I have heard about this guy for the past 2 months. My friend who put this shin dig together is a 1st grade teacher at my school and I do trust her judgement. If nothing else, I know it will be fun and at least I gave it a chance. I truly have a Jekyll and Hyde personality when I am out. I can be outgoing, talkative OR quiet, reserved, and might even look bored. My weight is 99% of why I am hesitant. I feel it is impossible for someone to see me and be attracted to me. If they knew me, I think they would see me differently BUT not just by looking at me. I know I need to believe in myself and the journey I am on. I believe with all my heart that the Lord has a plan for me and my life. I just have to take a chance and find out what that plan is.
I have been seeing a psychologist. Okay, I have only had 2 sessions. I was/am scared that I will sabatoge myself with the band. I told the psychologist that I got the band as a tool to physically "heal" me and therapy is to emotionally "heal" me. I am not sure I am going to continue to see her. Maybe I need to try a different one with a different approach. I might try a Christian counselor. I need someone to not ONLY make me accountable but to lift me up, tell me my thoughts are irrational, etc.
I am getting excited for the new school year. I am going to start working IN my classroom next week. I always have big plans and then end up procrastinating. My students always help me put life in perspective and enjoy the simple joys in life. They teach me just as much as I teach them. Teaching is exhausting. Some days after work, it is hard to imagine doing it all over again the next day. Each morning , when I pick up my kids in the cafeteria, I am refreshed by their sweet smile and hugs. I am blessed to be a teacher at a school I love, with a team I love.
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