Lately, I have been feeling better and better physically, spiritually, and mentally. I always go through phases of this. I will feel positive about the past, present and future. Then will wake up one day and just feel down about everything. I am trying my best to hold on to my faith, motivation, and happiness. It reminds me of playing Tetris. You will do good for a while making every block fit beautifully. Then, one will come and will end up out of place and the blocks will begin stacking up faster and faster. You lose at the game and then decide it is dumb to playing Tetris anyway.
I know I will continue to have days where any moment I will realize I am on Punk'd, or some other hidden camera show. The part I want to change is letting that bad day lead to lots of bad days. I think it was MandaPanda who posted about always quitting. There have been so many times where I gain weight or do not lose and I throw the towel in. I throw the towel in like the whole point of becoming healthy is not valid because it is not happening on my schedule.
I am taking it day by day. I am constantly thinking of all the successes of this day. I am not thinking of tomorrow or day dreaming about the way I thought my life would be like at 27. When I see my body, I think of how it has been abused and neglected. I see a body that has been scrutinized since I was in junior high. Nothing this body ever did was good enough. It was always compared to others. It was loathed.
I think this whole weight loss journey is one long road to self love. Eventually, we will get there. Hopefully it's by the time we hit goal...if not, there's more to it than just learning to love yourself and accept your faults. You are a strong, independent woman who has a lot to show for her 27 years. It's a matter of moving on. You'll get there.
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