Friday, March 25, 2011BYOC


1. How do you handle criticism?

It all depends how the criticism is presented. It is not what you say but how you say it. I do not respond well to "tough love" criticism. If I feel like the person giving the criticism openly admits we are struggle at some point, then I am fine with discussing how I can do something differently. I do need to get thicker skin.
2. Who had or has had the greatest impact on your life?

My daughter turned my world upside down. At the time I was in college, drinking all the time, staying up all night, etc. I said goodbye to that lifestyle and hello to the most rewarding, challenging  job of being a mother. She also makes me want to be a better person, better Christian, healthy, happy, etc. I realize I have to model all the qualities I want her to have!
3. If you had a friend that spoke to you the way YOU speak to yourself – would you keep them as a friend and for how long?

No! I would get tired of their eeyore attitude. I did have a friend who was like the way I am with myself and it is super annoying. You want to be supportive but you cannot do anything until they decide to pick themselves up and fight like hell for what they want.

4. Do you think crying is a form or weakness or a form of strength? Strength, unless you are doing it for the drama factor. Then, I think you have issues and need to grow up. I think when people cry all the time it is difficult to think it is ever a big deal when they cry. It is flat out sexy when a man cries, not crybaby man, but someone who you can tell cares so deeply that his eyes tear up. I hate how I cry sometimes because I do not want to cry. Getting feedback on an evaluation can lead to me sitting their saying to myself--don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.


5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

Blog Land... I miss being so plugged in. I went back to school and Laney is now home. I think about blogging a lot but it has been very hectic. I am trying to catch up now.

In real life... all is well. An old roomie is coming into town tonight, I have my baby back, the scale is moving, I feel content, and I do not need to turn to food. I am just praying to hold on to this feeling as things get stressful. I have to remember I can either wake up and feel better than I did today or I can wake up feeling guilty.

Missing Turkey

OK so it has been 2 weeks since I have seen my daughter, A.K.A. turkey. She was going to come back tomorrow when I get off work (her dad lives 4hrs away) but I would rather her come home on Friday. I want to be able to spend time with her and let her ease back into being home before going to preschool all day. At her dad's she is surrounded by extended family that live literally down the road. She doesn't have to go to school and spends lots of time with her great great grandma and great grandma, while her dad is at school. She got to go camping, to the beach, etc... It takes her a little while to get adjusted to being home and she is exhausted when she gets back. On Friday, I know we will have the whole weekend to spend together before I have to wake her up at 6:00am to go to school.

I know the week will go by fast. I am just really missing her. I am trying to enjoy the free time I have but I just keep thinking of her personality the size of Texas. She definitely thinks she is the boss. I know that is not good BUT she is an only child, spends most of her time around adults, lives with her grandparents and myself. We are working on the concept of respect. Kids learn from imitating. She just can't seem to see why she can not imitate being the boss :) Her attitude seems so funny to me now and cute. Hahaha wait until she is home for a few days. I will not think it is so cute.

She is going to Kindergarten not this Fall but next Fall. She will be 5 in September. I cannot believe I have a 4 year old! Time goes by so fast when you look back on it. You think they are so fragile as babies. They are in a sense but they are also so safe in the world you create for them. I was blessed to stay home for her first 2 years. I worked and went to school at night while she stayed with my mom.

Hoping this is it!

I had a fill on Thursday. I am at 8.5cc in a 11cc band. I am definitely not too tight but if this restriction sticks around, I would have to say I am very close to my SWEET SPOT! I will have to see how I feel once this fill sets in. I cannot tell you how relieved I am to have some good restriction. I truly feel like I have the best tool now to get this show on the road. Just the past 2 days I have realized food is losing the importance in my life. It is hard when others want to spend so long talking about what we want to eat. I hate talking about it forever and then finally eating a very small portion.

I struggle the most at night. I have for years. I also have trouble sleeping all night. It doesn't help that I wake up through out the night. I have to train myself to not eat after dinner. That is my biggest challenge with being successful with weight loss. I do so well in the day and start grazing at night. I need to sit down, eat a small portion, and be done with it. My mom has said to put my tennis shoes by the elliptical and workout when I want to eat. If those were my only two options, I would most likely choose sleep over exercise. After a long day when I am tired and/or stressed, I just want to eat. I have to find something else that I run to. I go through phases of turning to prayer, The Bible, journaling, etc. but I always return to my long lost toxic friend.  Chewing gum helps. I literally have fallen asleep with gum before. I also feel like I am hiding what I am eating when it is late at night and it turns into a free for all. I need to be the most important person I am accountable to and no one else matters!

I have felt what it is like to not depend on food, put my health and fitness first, and eating to live instead of living to eat. Again, I just have to hold on to it and not allow little things to throw me off course!

Thankful

I have decided I will be thankful for every pound I loose. I will not compare it to how many pounds someone else has lost. So many times I have flat out given up because the scale was moving to slow. Believing you can do something can change things drastically. I know this! I have to be committed, determined, and persistent in this journey. I cannot half way do it any longer. I would rather spend two years reaching for my goal than sitting here in another year being someone who the band does not work for. It doesn't matter if I am stressed, depressed, or on cloud nine at a restaurant with friends. I have a path to follow. Now I just have to turn my words into actions and keep my eyes focused.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." --Melody Beattie

“Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”

BYOC

1. Regardless of what stage you are in - in your weight loss, get healthy journey – do you still consider yourself “fat”? Was there a point when you stopped feeling that way?

Yes, I still consider myself fat. At one point, since having my daughter in 2006, I got down to 175 (50 pounds less than I am no) and felt pretty good. Then, one night I was out, feeling great about myself, and passed a guy who said how about losing some weight. He was with this size 2 girl and she laughed and told him not to say that. I felt like an idiot for thinking I looked good. From now on, I am determined to not let anyone change the way I feel!!

2. Tell us about your first kiss.

I am not sure if my friend and I called it this or it was openly called this but we went to a make out party. Hahaha it really was like that. My boyfriend and I had our first kiss there. I thought it was the weirdest thing ever and was afraid I would never like kissing. It is so funny to me thinking of it now.


3. Describe your parenting style (either current or what you hope to do or what you would do if you ever had kids)?

I love to laugh and am always joking around with my daughter. I am working on being consistent and making daily decisions on what is best for her in the long run. By nature I am a laid back person, so I often let behavior go until it is pushing the limits. I am trying to calmly guide my daughter to realizing their are consequences. We talk a lot about how everyone has consequences for choices they make.

4. How would your best friend describe you?

I am a good listener, like to laugh at random things, and a loyal friend.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

In blog life, I am just now really getting into blogging and reading others blogs. It is wonderful and I am glad to be getting to know so many wonderful ladies!

In real life, I am missing my daughter who will be back on Friday. I am getting ready to go back to work on Monday. I am finally feeling like someone with a band, since my fill on Thursday.

Posting to Pass the Time

My daughter left on March 7th to visit her dad. She is coming back on March 25th. He can bring her back the 21st but I want her to have down time before having to go back to preschool. I think it would be best if she came back Friday so we would have all weekend to spend time together and then ease back into a routine. Instead of doing a million things I am putting off (cleaning the house, cleaning out closets, etc.), I just keep posting. All mothers out there can relate to feeling strange when your kids are gone. At first, it is glorious. You can nap when you want to, sleep through the night, finish a phone call, come home and watch TV in silent after a long day at work, etc...
After a couple days of that, you feel so strange not seeing and talking to your baby. It feels super weird not having her carseat in my car. It's like walking around without your purse. Not that a child compares to a purse, but you know that "it feels so weird" feeling :)

I am going out to meet a couple friends tonight. We went out on Monday. I rarely go out. It is nice to be able to go out guilt-free (without knowing my mom is watching my daughter). Drinking has always given me the live in the moment high. I have to be careful not to get carried away. I have been single for a long time. I haven't so much as kissed a guy in almost 2 years. WOW it feels like a long time but not that LONG! I wasn't someone who always had a boyfriend in high school but once I went to college. I was always dating someone. It is hard not to go out and want to meet guys. Logically, I know very very few relationships start at a bar. I just need to enjoy my friends and not turn into a woman on the prowl. It is embarassing to say that but true :)

Questions?

When the doctor asks if you have gotten sick, are they referring to throwing up? Should you mention PB incidents?

When I have a PB incident, it is because I did not listen to the stop eating signals and/or did not chew well enough.

Just curious. I have never actually thrown up. Sometimes I can eat quite a bit and other times I can barely eat. Does everyone have huge inconsistency? Does anyone weigh out 1-2 cups of food and eat no more.

Thanks for you help!