Seeing the Big Picture

It is very hard for me to work towards a long term goal. I abandon my plan (whether weight loss or a schedule) way too easily. I think I basically tell myself lots of BS. I am almost all talk and no action. I have to realize if I say I am going to do it, I have to do it. I often make unrealistic goals or schedules. I make them when I feel like Superwoman but quickly allow my emotions and other circumstances change my plan.
I have been reading a book about having boundaries with your children so they grow up to be happy, responsible, and successful. It had me thinking about my childhood and I do believe I didn't learn valuable lessons that would have helped me now. This isn't about making excuses or blaming anyone. I have wonderful parents and have always felt unconditional love. As a child, there were times my lack of responsibility had little consequences. I would procrastinate projects and ask my mom if I could stay home from school to finish my assignment. I quit drill team because I felt insecure and had a hard time with criticism. To this day it is hard for me to bounce back from criticism, whether I perceive it as negative or not. I didn't push the limits until college when the stakes were higher. I was overly concerned about disappointing my parents in high school but felt invincible when I went to college 8 hours away. I spent way too much time drinking and living, what I thought, was life to the fullest. I enjoyed the feeling of liquid courage. I didn't feel so insecure or if I did I would just have another drink. I thought I was living the life but it always ended with a feeling of hopelessness.
I think of the woman I want my daughter to be and cringe when I realize how far I am from those characteristics. I am embarrassed to be 27 and still battling issues I battled as a teenager. I have to make every decision based on the future I want to have. It is so hard for me not to be sad about friends who are married, having babies, have a house of their own, etc.
I pull myself out of this negative attitude but seem to always slip back. I have to hold on for dear life to the motivation and determination to change. I have to hold on like my life depends on it because it does!!